For Christmas this year, a friend of mine bought me a subscription to In Touch Weekly AKA The Greatest Magazine In The World. However, when I opened up the copy I received in the mail today, I found something disturbing:
WHAT IS WRONG WITH RANDY JACKSON? That is not the face of a real human being. He’s kind of smiling like a camel, and is by far the shiniest of the four – a title I was certain would be taken by Ryan Seacrest. In fact, Ryan looks to be the most regular of them all; but this might be because no one has ever seen him without a pound and a half of make-up caked onto his face.
Steven Tyler is now just an older – and relatively wrinkle free – Liv Tyler. With a penis. Presumably.
J.Lo still looks rather J.Lo-y, albeit whiter.
But seriously, Randy Jackson. It’s like someone buffed your face within an inch of it’s life. OH SHIT and I just noticed your bracelets, no doubt picked up from a trinket store in Mexico. You look like a black cabbage patch doll for God’s sake. Though, seeing as American Idol has been on the air for the last twenty million years, something utterly terrifying was bound to happen at some point.
I can’t stop looking at his face. I’m going to have nightmares about this.