As much as I love to criticize for Miley Cyrus for doing pretty much anything, I don’t know if I can do it this time. Her body is seriously bangin’, and the cut on that suit is damn close to perfection. It’s also what I imagine Ellen Degeneres would wear if she were younger and looser. But if you think this was the beginning of La Cyrus making good decisions for the night, think again:
Miley wore a kitten-covered jazzercise suit while a GIANT KITTEN LIP-SYNCED THE ENTIRETY OF “WRECKING BALL”. I really want to be frustrated with Miley right now, but I’m finding it very difficult. I mean, she’s getting back-up from a giant kitten. Whoever came up with this idea deserves a promotion, a raise, and a yellow Bentley because SHIT THAT’S CUTE.
Since Gaga started really pushing ARTPOP, her crazy has been shining through all of the boring and basic (I’m looking at you, T-Swift). And her entrance to the AMA’s last night was no exception. Here she is wearing a purple Versace gown while riding a white horse made of Quilted Northern and two very hot men. You know how I can tell they are hot men?
Ugly people don’t have asses like that.
That said, I’m very glad Gaga is back to her old tricks. Despite riding in on a snow white, sexy, man-steed, she looks awfully demure. Like a Disney Princess on her way to sing a song about sex with R. Kelly. I love it!
This here is Ariana Grande. And despite looking like a fragile porcelain doll of a very tall 8-year-old, she happens to be 20 years old. She also happens to be one of the most talented singers to come out in a long time (I’m still waiting for your glorious return, JoJo). But for some reason, even though she has enough talent to make Mariah Carey spend her days pulling out her hair and shotgunning Hot Pockets out of sheer jealousy, I can’t get over the fact that she looks like a child.
If she ever dresses like a whore in public, all I’m going to be able to see is a giant Bratz Doll.
Hot off the heels of a new engagement, Blair Waldorf thought she could do no wrong – and usually, she can’t. However, judging from this jumpsuit, I think her infallibility might be in question:
Jumpsuit: Pajamas made of chair upholstery!
I imagine Blair here as a old woman, circling the drain comfortably in her Upper East Side penthouse at the ripe age of 41, wearing this (presumably 5000 count Egyptian cotton) sleeping suit, while Seth Cohen sits nearby with a tumbler of scotch and a Waldorf-sized hole in his heart. Wow, that got dark fast.
In a move that not even the most talented of television writers could manipulate, Adam Brody (from now on, referred to as Seth Cohen) and Leighton Meester (from now on, referred to as Blair Waldorf) are officially engaged! And this is destined to be the most magical marriage of prime-time teen dramas the likes of which we’ve never seen.
Back when The O.C. was in full swing, I was a staunch supporter of Seth and Rachel Bilson (Summer Roberts), because television is always better when the on-screen lovers are actually off-screen lovers. The love never stops! But then they broke up, and Summer moved on to star in Hart of Dixie (ugh), and Seth moved onto Blair. When they first started dating about 10 months ago, I was a little unsure. After all, Seth has a history of screwing up his relationships with comics and sparking jealousy between his lady love and his toy horse Captain Oats. And Blair has a propensity to destroy any chances of love with expertly executed social sabotage. But against all odds, these two love birds are making it work!
This is going to be the most fabulous Jewish-Nerd-Upper-East-Side-Bitch wedding anyone has ever witnessed. If this doesn’t get turned into a TV show somehow, I don’t know what I’ll do.
Yesterday on Ellen, Kanye West premiered his new music video for “Bound 2″, which majorly consists of him and a topless Kim Kardashian taking a nice relaxing drive through the desert on a motorcycle all whilst humping each other. It’s very poetic. From NY Daily News:
When West belts out the lyric “one good girl is worth a thousand b–ches,” the two parents of 4-month-old North West engage in a steamy embrace and begin to kiss.
I told you – it’s pure poetry.
While on Ellen, Kanye also went on to speak about his personal opinion of the video, given that it is primarily a showcase for Kim’s boobs, saying “No, I’m not as concerned with the idea of profanity or nudity; it’s more the messaging behind it.”
If you’d like to make your own opinion of the video, here it is. However, I suggest that you leave it be, because if you use your imagination for about 4 seconds, you can pretty much get the jist of it (though the scene with the horses at the beginning might be cheesy enough to be worth it).
Remember Aubrey O’Day? She is (was?) one of the five reasonably talented girls of the moderately successful group Danity Kane. And while she hasn’t been making much of a splash lately, that all managed to change when she decided to Instagram a picture of herself getting into a dress that definitely fits.
Think about this for a second: this woman took this picture, looked at the picture, applied a filter to the picture, and then decided that it was a good idea to share her ass-crack with the rest of the world. That is the thought process of someone ready to get back into the game! And with Kim starting the trend of butt-selfies, it was clearly the logical step for Aubrey to take in her career.
It’s also being rumored that Danity Kane is releasing a new album next year. Here’s hoping it is just “Damaged” 12 times in a row.